Let’s Talk About Sex

Posted: June 9, 2014 in Psychology, Religion, Sex, Sex & Religion, Social

watwiljevanmeqz5Ever since I talked about the sexual abuse I suffered as a child openly, I’ve received many messages from others telling me it also happened or is happening to them. They cannot tell others for fear of being shamed, or being blamed, and their abusers roam free, thinking they have gotten away with it. Some even still wink at the victims at family gatherings, while the victims feel anger and sadness, unable to do anything but keep it inside.

I know all too well about unexpressed emotions. It festers underneath within you, developing into mental illnesses if left untreated: depression, bipolarity, dissociative personality, etc. Addiction to illegal substances, sex or comfort eating can result when victims try to escape their reality as a measure to regain power over their own helplessness.

Yesterday, a Muslim girl in Malaysia confided in me her story. I knew what happened to me wasn’t an isolated case. Many of these, especially young children suffer in silence. And when we refuse to talk about it openly, to discuss the reasons why it happens, all we do is sweep the problem under the carpet and pretend it’s not there. Well, it’s there. The problem will not go away no matter how much you ignore it. Read our conversation and know that these people live among you.

Serafina, unedited

 

Comments
  1. V838Mon says:

    Hi Miss Juli,
    I heard in the news today about a rape crime presumably involving 29 men and two girls which happened in so called islamic state of Kelantan at Ketereh town. 21 of the accused have been detained. The interesting part is two or three of them are her own father and other family members involved in the raping. If you wish I can get more about this incident posted to you.

    Fellow Atheist friend

  2. nora says:

    serafine, if u read this, seriously, i think u r not paranoid. this should b stop. and yes, we have to stop it, if not ourselves, then who else? i never had such bad experience, but i’m a mother to two little angels now. anything that may seems to be wrong, even some may called it for “main-main je, acah je”, i would not hesitate to warn. for instance, when changing diapers for my 10 months old little boy, i would not let my 3 years old girl to even stare at his coo coo bird. Same goes to my daughter, i teach her to really ‘protect’ her private parts.

    u need to stop it. dun let them become the victims.

    • thanks for your vigilance and kind words.

      • Yoshi says:

        When one abuses another it is usually a sign that one does not have the emotional capacity to do things maturely..In other words weak..

        The thing is..when someone male or female is made to feel inadequate being their own gender at an early age or even later in life, It tends to happen in such magnitude the mind just represses it..Our mind body and life force keep recording no matter what and the more we ignore the repressed truth the more it affects our subconscious desires..Most of the time people feel its best to repress things since they don’t know its possible to listen to themselves safely.. The after affects of repressing abuse can be reversed, But usually if one does not know how to understand, “Its not my fault for what that weak person did to me..” by letting go emotions that would cause us to feel its happening again (tricking the mind into depression/panic) or make us feel it was our fault, simply because of the way the abuser wanted us to remember, then a boy or girl grows up with the emotions that lower his/her confidence and more. A woman might not see her beauty or feel, because she was violated and nothing was done for either her internal or external well being, she learns to disregard her body. Often times because of natural female traits..this out come of self blame for abuse is common..It is hard sometimes without proper method(ones that make our mind work against us) to reverse these repressed experiences. The different levels of repressed emotions in different people(with different ways of life) are what cause different out comes..drugs or sex…. even becoming and abusive person themselves..Or one might desire to be abused again since they were made to feel what happened was their fault by the abuser..Just as complex as the field of flowers and trees is affecting sentient life, the abuse committed and suffered are just as complex….

        The problem is since emotions connect past with present but subconsciously (originally for early warning system against tigers or wolves 10,000 years ago) we might learn to deal with life in an unhealthy way.

        This is Subconscious pain( true negative karma) that causes us to repeat the same path, thoughts which could contribute to a future bad experience. With no emotions we don’t have this issue. So key is to let this go and understand not our fault. We can not do this with just telling ourselves in an insensitive way, in other words ignoring our selves feelings to force supposed progress in life. We must stop and take the time that our emotions mean something and that we are entitled to time to ourselves.

        One might be forced to feel the abuse was their fault. So naturally later in life, one might feel other experiences that might be slightly similar (even non abusive) are grounds to feel responsible for them. Even when people around us clearly can tell(they may not mention) NOT OUR FAULT.

        Like an onion growing outward each day is repressed on top of the last. Over time this causes emotions to distort the negative experience by most of the time making us blame our selves. This is primarily because humans deep inside, naturally want others to be at peace..No child is born bad.. especially if we are naturally more sensitive people hearing, eye site etc……

        Often times we see some cultures(america for example) have more sexual encounters on more dark levels or cases of abuse where there is no cultural trait that shows how to let go of emotions. Many are taught to repress emotions due to culture. This is common in multi cultural areas.

        Emotions are what connect the subconscious mind to our conscious mind and are the trigger to bad memories overwhelming us at terribly inconvenient times and affecting our perception of daily life. Example is..one liking dark colors. Many people still enjoy trees.

        the moral of the story is..If one could let go of the emotions enough to view from a SAFE 3rd person, more mature perspective that what happened to them was not their fault, then it will be truly understood and the mind will become satisfied that the problem has been taken care of and finally let go… If we go through life with this turmoil..we will not progress.

        I teach people this method of healing..

  3. LoveG says:

    I get so angry whenever I hear or read about children getting sexual abused or raped! The rage in me makes me want to kill these bastards!

    My heart and thoughts go to all the victims of this sickening crime.

    Juli, is there any update from her? Hopefully she has moved out and bring her kids to somewhere safe and away from these abusers.

    I will share this!

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